Like you, I love to say “yes!”
Those of us that are fortunate enough to be busy working in technology know that opportunities often appear to be endless: We have ideas we want to try, people we want to work with, requests from customers for new features, new hardware and software that seems to appear on a daily basis, new methodologies, partner opportunities, new trends, new customers, new markets… it’s exciting for sure. Saying yes just seems like the natural thing to do, it feels good, and so most of us can’t resist.
Why is it that we can’t resist? My theory is that most of us have a secret belief that we are Superman and that our time is unlimited, so what’s “just one more” project? I first realized this when I was working with someone who couldn’t say “no” to anything. And I mean anything. It was an eye opener for sure.
I’ve found the bottom line for me to be that if I am constantly allowing my attention to be taken over by ever opportunity that floats into my existence, then focusing on the truly important things becomes very difficult. Pretty much impossible.
That’s where the secret power of “No Thank You” comes in.
First, you have to know and dwell on what is truly important. That’s something I hope to address in more detail later. For the purpose of learning the secret power of “No Thank You”, I’m going to assume you and I both know what the truly important things are.
When you have that focus, any new opportunity can be easily viewed through the prism of “how does it fit with what’s really important?” It’s amazing how fast you can make a decision based on that question alone. Sometimes the opportunity will gel perfect and you can give an enthusiastic “hell yes!” and the new tasks and responsibilities will be engaging and fun – as they should be.
After awhile the opportunities that don’t fit so well start to feel like what I imagine Kryptonite feels like to Superman. It’s almost counter intuitive. You would think that saying “No” would feel bad and reduce your strengths, when in fact, it’s the opposite. I finally got it when I read Derek Sivers post on saying no unless you can say “hell yes!”.
The key for me was creating the Successful No. A Successful No is polite. You keep your focus and your attention you don’t insult or tick off the person or persons who wanted you to say yes. Everybody wins. You do that by merely being empathetic to the requesters wants and desires. Or just don’t be a dick. Either one works.
It does not mean saying no because your feeling lazy, overwhelmed, or just don’t like someone. It should never become habit just to say “no” without consideration.
Instead, it’s about saying no when you’re not really that thrilled by the opportunity; if doesn’t make you a little nervous, excited, curious and more alive, it may not be a good fit. It means saying no when you think about the opportunity and you get that tiny little headache and start to wonder if anything will ever change. Those are BIG red flags you should pay attention to.
When you’ve done a Successful No, don’t forget to celebrate it just as much as you celebrate the things you say yes to. More often than not, a Successful No is just as valuable as the things you say “Hell Yes!” to – even if they don’t show up on the balance sheet.
A Successful No has secret powers. It’s like spinach to Popeye. It makes what you say “Hell Yes!” to that much more engaging. It keeps the Kryptonite away. It gets you a tiny bit closer to really being Superman.
